Science: Chimp Plus Pig Equals Human

Photo Credit: State Library of Queensland (Creative Commons)

Since at least the time of Darwin, humans have debated the initial source of our species. While the Holy Bible clearly details the view held by most believers, the scientific community holds fast to a much more nebulous hypothesis.

Contending man evolved from lower creatures over millions of years, scientists have struggled in vain to identify any mammal representing the “missing link” between humankind and its ostensible ancestors. In the absence of empirical evidence, however, at least one scientist decided to merely float another absurd theory.

Dr. Eugene McCarthy of the University of Georgia is now promulgating his belief that man’s genesis occurred when a pig hooked up with a chimpanzee. The scientist, obviously desperate for answers, concluded humans exhibit many traits that are not found in the primate class commonly identified as our evolutionary forebears.

Those added features are found in “the ordinary pig,” he contends, outrageously suggesting this means the two species at some point mated and produced the first human.

“The tentative scenario that I picture is that human beings came into being via hybridization between a pig, whose best modern representative is Sus scrofa,” he wrote, “and an ape, best represented today by the pygmy chimpanzee, Pan paniscus.”

He described a “horde of monstrous half-humans breeding in a hybrid swarm” as our ancestor’s first presence on the earth, conceding he “felt a certain amount of repugnance” at the thought of his own hypothesis.

Among much of the scientific community, however, identifying oneself as a half-pig, half-chimp mongrel is far more preferable than recognizing the work of a higher power.

Though God’s Word provides a comprehensive history of mankind’s origins and history, scientists are largely unwilling to express any faith in the biblical account. Instead, individuals like McCarthy find it much easier to blindly trust that an amorous chimpanzee’s interspecies love affair created the most complex and intelligent creatures on the planet.

–B. Christopher Agee

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Photo Credit: State Library of Queensland (Creative Commons)

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  1. mutantone says:

    Sounds like a "South park" episode along the lines of "Man-bear-pig" now we have "Chimp-Pig-man"

  2. Yes, and I am going to believe in this Chimp and Petunia story just as soon as Pigs Fly. Morons, we are all surrounded by complete Morons and then we have a new crop of them in the Congress each year.
    Soon we will see if the words that appeared in the Obama Tombs are actually true…. Will Obama actually leave the U.S. and go to live with the Muslims in his beloved Islamic World…..
    Pray for a quick departure…..

  3. Edwardkoziol says:

    Can anyone take this shit seriously that we came from pigs and chimps.This McCarthy from all places Georgia saying crap like this is amazing,if the article didn't say he was from UofG i would have said he is from San Francisco.One good things about pigs is they keep the muslim terrorists away,the bad thing about chimps is we have one in the White House actually 5.

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