In clear violation of op-ed protocol, this week I’m suspending prose and having a little good, clean, limericky fun at liberals’ expense because – well, because they just make it so darn easy. (Warning: Some are bad and others worse. Side effects may include groaning, nausea, vomiting and involuntary eye-rolling.)
Here they are in no particular order. Happy New Year, and may God bless you in 2014! (Yes, you too, my liberal friends.)
There once was a fella named Phil,
With truisms liberals found shrill,
Though they cried for his head,
They got duck-slapped instead,
As old Phil just continues to chill.
There once was an outfit called GLAAD,
That when faced with the Truth gets real mad,
Though they pout and they fuss,
And they stomp and they cuss,
They alter the Truth not a tad.
M – S – N – B – C is on cable,
Spinning news, weaving yarns and tall fables,
With an agenda from Sodom,
And ratings rock bottom,
They have hosts that are questionably stable.
Occupy Wall Street did sizzle,
But in 2013 it did fizzle,
As we all remained patient,
They returned to mom’s basement,
With outrage that proved artificial.
The Obamacare roll-out disaster,
Made media question their master,
But doubt was short-lived,
As the suck up revived,
To the din of conservative laughter.
There once was a man from Chicago,
A golf aficionado,
Who teed off on our freedom,
And caused speech induced tedium,
Empty suit with a hopey-change motto.
There once was a chain-smoking POTUS,
Who gave children a lunch lady FLOTUS,
She swapped meat, sweets and bread,
With beansprouts instead,
Adding tofu and seaweed for bonus.
Of Obama’s Amendments least favored,
He finds First, Fourth and Second ill-flavored,
If you’d just shut your mouth,
And disarm there, Deep South,
He could kick in your door most unlabored.
The Supreme Court did redefine marriage,
And defenders of marriage disparage,
Newfound “right” they pretend,
Has Stephan to wed Sven,
Yet no Sally means no baby carriage.
There once was a leader from Texas,
Whom RINOs did label as reckless,
Spoke a day without resting,
All his critics thus besting,
With a smack-down on federal excesses.
Matt Barber (@jmattbarber on Twitter) is an author, columnist, cultural analyst and an attorney concentrating in constitutional law. Having retired as an undefeated heavyweight professional boxer, Matt has taken his fight from the ring to the culture war.